Flirting - Meeting a Stranger - Flirting Quiz

The amount of distance that you keep from your person of interest is important, because it affects their impression of you and the subsequent quality of your interaction.

Even more importantly, if you pay attention to another person's use of distance, this is indicate a great deal about his or her reactions toward you and will help you interpret the total positive and negative body language signals.

If you decide to approach the attractive stranger, once you've established at least an indication of mutual interest via eye contact, don't walk up to them directly without making direct eye contact once again. Try to re-contact their eyes again as you approach and are about 4 feet away, before moving any closer. When you are 4 feet away, you are basically almost exactly between the 'social zone' (4 to 12 feet distance) and the what is termed the 'personal zone' (18 inches to 4 feet).

If you receive another glance, smile or positive response at the 4 foot distance, you can then move in to 'arm's length' (which is about 2 1/2 feet). If you try to move in much closer than this to the other person, especially if you attempt to cross the 18 inch 'personal zone or intimate zone' boundary, the other person may immediately feel uncomfortable. That 'personal zone' (at less than 18 inches) is culturally and perhaps even unconsciously reserved for close friend, lovers, and family members. If you are close enough to another person that they can hear you whisper, you are probably too close for their comfort.

Side by side personal space can be lessened

Side by side personal space can be lessened

These distance rules are especially applicable in face-to-face meetings. Individuals can generally tolerate reduced interpersonal distance when they are side-by-side. This is due to increased comfort levels that occur when you are alongside someone, where it becomes easier to use additional aspects of body language. Side-by-side, it is easier for individuals to turn away or avoid eye contact, which limits your level of involvement with the other person.

Therefore, you can approach somewhat closer than 'arm's length' if you are alongside the person of interest - at a bar counter, or in a line, for example - rather than face-to-face. But still ensure that you do not use 'intrusive' body-language such as prolonged eye contact or touching even when side-by-side.

If you misjudge the appropriate distance when your approach someone, the other person's discomfort may show in his/her body language. The other person may turn away or avert their gaze to avoid eye contact. You may also see negative 'barrier signals' such as folded or crossed arms or legs, or rubbing their neck with an elbow pointing towards you. If you see any of these signals, be sure to back up and back off.

Finally, remember that different people have different responses to proximity and cultural differences can be large. If your person of interest is from a Latin American or Mediterranean country ('contact cultures'), he or she will probably be much more comfortable with closer distances than a British or Northern European person. North Americans fall somewhere between these two proximity-comfort-zones distances.

Different personality-types may also respond differently to flirting signals: extroverts and people who, in general, feel at each with others will often be comfortable with closer distances. From day to day the same individual may vary in tolerance to signals, according to their mood. When feeling depressed or irritable, close distances becomes more uncomfortable.

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