Christmas comes but once a year
And mostly it is swell
But there's an epidemic
That I think we all know well (Noel)
Your smile is frozen open
There's a crazed look in your eye
You overflow with compliments
While trying to deny

That you loathe the gift you opened
Though you try to keep your grace
Your scary grin is frozen
Don't you know you've got a case of

Present face
Oh...thank you so much!

You really hoped your parents would
Give you a great big check
Instead, you got a puffy painted
Hummingbird turtleneck
You hoped for an engagement ring
Inside that tiny box
But your asshole former future husband
Only bought you socks

Now your face is all contorted
As you're trying to erase
The truth behind your smile
Don't you know you've got a case of

Present face
Oh...No, I really like it, it's cool, I love it...

It's one of ... you don't think you need
and then you get it
It'sssssss so great
Medium, I need an extra-large but it'll ...
But it's good

Ohhh, this
The thing is
I don't know what to say because I like it so much

Oh, oooo
Ooooo,
Oh, hah, hah!
Thank you, for ... that thing

Do they see how much I hate it?
I hope that they don't know
I can't tell if they're onto me
Oh, please don't let it show

Baby Jesus got some gold
What all infants prefer
I bet he got the present face
With frankincense and myrrh

Christmas and his birthday
Are both on the 25th
It must have sucked to have to open
Combination gifts

If Jesus couldn't hide it
From his omnipresent place
You and I are doomed
To an everlasting case of

Present face (You shouldn't have)
Present face (Just what I wanted)
Present Face (For all the times I go fishing)
Present face

Ohhh

Great, no like literally literally literally literally
Listen to me
It's a really really good gift
I'm really stoked that I got it
You know what I mean
It just took me a second to figure out what it was
Then I figured out
Oh my God
I totally need one of these
I swear to God, I really like it

Who's next? Who's next? Who's next? Who's next?