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Relationship Advice - I Want to Be More Than Just Friends
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Dear Dr. TRuth,
Last weekend the guy I've liked since the
beginning of the school year
just confessed that he too likes me, but there's a
problem.
He doesn't think
that he's ready for a relationship.
He told me that
he still thinks about
what it would be like to go out with other girls he
meets, and although he
never really wants to, he thinks it's wrong that he
considers that.
We talked
for over 4 hours when he told me how he felt, I also
shared my feelings.
I
found out that he has also liked me for the same
amount of time.
While the
feeling died once in a while, it always returned.
Neither one of us ever
said anything because we were afraid it would ruin
our friendship, but lately
it was kind of an unspoken fact that we felt this
way.
However, he told me that he thinks we should just be good
friends, even though he
wants to go out, he thinks that would be for the
best.
From what I've
gathered by talking to him a lot lately is that he's
focusing on the bad a
relationship could have, the break up, possibility
of no longer being
friends, and hurting me or himself.
I've tried to
get over him before and
he's done the same with me; it didn't work for
either of us.
Now we are
attempting to be friends, but I don't know how.
I
just can't think of him as
a friend because the whole time I've known him I've
been attracted to him.
When we've seen each other in the past week it's
been okay when we are
talking about how we feel, but when that
conversation ends things become
awkward.
Neither of us knows how to behave and we
almost end up avoiding
each other.
I just want things to be all better
whether we end up going out
(which I prefer) or we learn how to become friends;
I just don't know what to
do right now.
Thanks for your help.
Confused
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Dear "Confused"
This young man is simply not ready even though he
obviously has feelings for you.
It is awkward because
you want the relationship to progress and he doesn't.
The bottom line is, can you accept his feelings not
to go ahead?
If you can't, it may be too hard to be
with him at all.
I wonder why he feels so responsible
for others. He doesn't seem to have very much faith in
ongoing relationships. He won't allow himself to enjoy
what could be because he is so afraid of what might
happen down the line!
Something in his early life has
really frightened him and my guess is that if you
continue to hope for him to change, you will be
disappointed.
As hard as this is, I would begin to
look around and start to date others.
Continue a
friendship with him but let him know you have no
expectations of him and that you respect his wish not
to have a romantic relationship with you.
Let him know
you have begun to date others and really go for it.
By
holding on to something that he may never allow, you
are limiting yourself from exposure to some good
things that may happen by seeing other people.
Bottom
line is that by holding on to this, you get to play it
safe yourself.
Both of you are stuck in a status quo
and he is not ready to be tied down.
Respect his
wishes and take care of yourself by dating other boys.
We can't change people, you know!
We can only learn to
take very good care of ourselves.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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