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I Want to be More Than Friends with Him
Dr. TRuth,
There is a guy that I have been "dating" on and off
for about 6 months.
We were friends first and then we
hooked up one night. Since then we've been hanging out
a lot.
The problem is that in the beginning we were
both dating other people and it was fine, because we
were building a friendship/romantic relationship.
Now
it seems to me that we are really close. Sometimes I
think I love him.
But the problem is he still
sometimes hangs out with his ex-girlfriend (who is
still completely in love with him) and dates some
other girls.
I am dating also, but I realize that the
one I truly want is him. Only I can't tell him because
I am afraid of losing his friendship as well.
He
sometimes says that he can't see us in the "long term"
but then he asks what I think. I tell him I just don't
know, because I'm afraid that we'll grow apart if
he knew how I felt.
He also tells me he can't let go
of the ex yet because he can't afford another long
term relationship to go bad.
I think he and I have that potential, but I need to know
how to show him that.
How can I truly find out about
how he feels without completely scaring him off?
Delicate Situation
D
Dear Delicate,
He is being really honest.
He is telling you he isn't
over his ex and that he can't see the two of you long
term. This is all you need to know.
If you pursue this
guy, it will probably not be the best thing for you.
If someone isn't over their ex and is still dating
others, he himself is not emotionally ready for
anything more.
Save yourself some heartache and keep
the friendship as it is.
If you continue to hook up
and be romantic with no commitment, it will only hurt
you in the long run.
Perhaps he will want more with
you down the road, but frankly, he has everything he
wants now, so why should he change anything?
He is
definitely not a sure bet.
I wish I had better news.
My advice is to withdraw anything physical and
romantic, tell him that you respect his wishes to stay
friends and that you want to date a lot of people
until you are ready to meet the right one.
You may
think he is the "right one" but he would have to think
so too in order to be a couple.
Doesn't sound to me
like he's there yet.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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Relationship advice, love advice and free advice and Love advice and relationship advice and help with any kind of romantic problem
from flirting to getting a date to breaking up - just ask doctor love. This relationships advice is
for a girl who wants to be more than friends with a guy friend ... from a therapist for people who write letters asking for help with personal problems, boyfriends, girlfriends and more
issues with relationships.
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