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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
Dear Doctor TRuth,
Hi, I'm in college right now and maintaining a long distance relationship. My
boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and things are going well.
We're both pretty serious about each other and discussed marriage before.
However I met a guy, let's call him X, a while ago and we're just friends. I
told him I like him just as a friend, but he's been sending me signals that
say I'm more than a friend to him.
I feel like I have this incredible
connection with X, like we're soulmates, and we connect and share our
interests on a level that I've not experienced before.
While I still love my
boyfriend, I like X a lot.
I don't really know where to draw the line between
X and I, or if I even can.
Please help!
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Dear "Please Help"
Your feelings are entirely normal and completely
appropriate to your age.
What you are telling me is
that you have been in one relationship since you were
17 and that you don't have much experience dating
others.
While it is wonderful that you had the
strength of character to maintain a long distance
relationship at your age, it may not be to your
advantage to miss out on the important experiences
that others of your age need to have in the very
important process of mate selection and maturity.
Your feelings for X should tell you that you have a
need to explore other options for yourself. I realize
that this is an incredibly hard thing to admit after
being in a long term relationship, but it is what is
happening.
You have changed a lot in the years you have been away
and your attraction for X symbolizes this. He may in
fact be much more reflective of who you are right now,
and that is why you feel so irresistibly drawn to him.
Look at it this way: the task of life between 18 and
25 is to find out really who we are, what we like, and
whom we should be with. This takes a lot of
experimentation and experience.
If we choose too
early, we don't allow the self that will develop
through these experiences to fully evolve. Right now,
a part of you knows this and you are in conflict about
letting yourself go with what is happening in the
present because you have committed to someone way
before you were emotionally ready to do this.
I will not make this choice for you, however it is
probably in your best interest to tell your boyfriend
that you need some time away to think about what you
really want.
If this relationship is destined to be,
it will be there in the long run.
In the meantime, you
need to trust your feelings and allow yourself to have
the experiences all young people need to grow and
develop.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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