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Relationship Advice from Dr. TRuth |
I've been with my fiancé for one and a half years...He's always been good to me but when we're around other people he puts me down and makes me look stupid.
Recently we got engaged, and things were okay. But at the end of last year we got into a huge fight and I moved my things out to go live with my mother.
We're not engaged anymore but we're trying to work it out, the problem with that is that he doesn't seem to be really trying.
We were emailing each other on a regular basis, but on New Year's Eve when I thought he would call, he didn't.
I tried to find out where he was, and his sister told me that he was in L. A.
He left without even telling me, and never called after the fact, to say happy new year or to say that he was gone.
I love him, but sometimes I question if he really loves me.
My family tells me to look at what he's doing and that he's not worthy of my love, and that he's not treating me like someone who loves me enough to marry me, would treat me.
I'm just looking for an outside opinion.
Thanks a lot,
Baffled
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Dear "Baffled,"
Your family is right. This man is treating you like garbage and giving you very clear messages that he does not honor and respect the commitment he made to you.
As far as love goes, even if he does love you, his verbal abuse makes me wonder about how much he values the people who love him.
Even if he were to marry you, could you ever really trust someone who devalues you publicly? How much humiliation do you think you deserve?
I would cut the chord and move on.
This man will make whomever he is with miserable and why would you want that?
You need to think more of yourself than this and you certainly deserve someone who treats you with the love and respect you crave.
Don't forget, the more we stay with someone who emotionally abuses us, the more it erodes our self-esteem.
Your inability to see for yourself what is really going on here tells me that you either don't think enough of yourself to leave someone who treats you this way, or that continued treatment of this nature has beaten you down so much that this is all you think you deserve.
Please, please get away from this denigrating situation and try to heal from what
he has put you through.
Sincerely,
Dr. TRuth
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